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When Murugavel Janakiraman found his future wife on the matchmaking website he established, he had to deliver his opening icebreaker to.
It has been a few months into trying out the prospect of arranged marriage. The decision came with the desire to find a decent, understanding companion I could share my life with. At the outset, let me tell you the process of finding a suitable match in this structure requires a considerable investment of time and energy. So after much deliberation, I finally decided to take the plunge. As an independent, working woman of today, why did I choose to do this?
Not because of a lack of faith in the ability to fall in love organically but an inkling that perhaps sometimes love is not just enough. The structure of arranged marriage, on the contrary, was allowing me to pick and choose the man who suited my criteria — including emotional intelligence — and help me eliminate apparent risks in a relationship like any toxicity that sometimes go unnoticed, ignored or encountered later in an otherwise organic romantic bond.
This, of course, does not go to suggest that an arranged marriage would turn out to be risk-free, but an early red flag gives you the chance to opt out of the match without any baggage. Perhaps the fact that we see progressive and successful men and women of today as shown in the series still going ahead with the set-up challenges the argument in a way. And we millennials are familiar with such people or are trying out the option ourselves, whether we want to admit it or not.
Again, if someone is opting for an arranged marriage, it is not always because they were forced by their parents.
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Your spouse is just a set of qualifications to finally one-up your neighbours or your rival at work. Stagnant social mobility, casteist educational institutions and economic inequality glom together to create families, neighbourhoods, schools, colleges and work places where everyone has similar incomes and wealth, lifestyles, intellectual interests and ambitions.
In other words, the metrics of compatibility all conspire towards upholding oppressive structures. Practicing hyper-individuality to stand out on dating apps is disenchanting, having your personhood disregarded completely is no better. Marital rape is still legal in India. Disputes and murders over dowry are regular news items. There has to be more or something else, some of us think to ourselves as we contemplate the markers of adulthood, and this show flatly tells us, no.
How can you hate-watch that? She tweets at nehmatks.
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Indian Matchmaking: The ‘cringe-worthy’ Netflix show that is a huge hit
In an age of dating apps and websites, finding love can feel a lot like full-time job—and that’s where Sima Taparia, the star of Netflix’s new reality show, comes in. Indian Matchmaking follows Taparia as she matches hopeful singles in the U. A so-called “marriage consultant,” Taparia relies on singles‘ said preferences, their parents’ preferences yep , and her years of matchmaking experience to set up successful couples.
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What influences our youth to set aside their enterprising, free-wheeling spirit to follow the well-trodden path of arranged marriages? Part of the answer lies in the deep socialisation process, which is woven into the fabric of the close-knit extended Indian family, and its rootedness in the larger network of society. The young too seem to believe in the cultural definition of marriage as a family affair, rather than an individual undertaking.
Harmony and shared values arising from common backgrounds are seen as more important than individual attraction. The common grounds provided by an arranged match — familiar customs, foods, relatives, incomes, etc — also helps in negotiating the dark thicket of matchmaking. The upside is also that this aids the adjustment process with the new partner and family, a stand-in for what is seen as the variable element of love.
When it comes to daughters, the disciplining fetters become even tighter, since a tarnished reputation would scupper her chances in the marriage market. With whom? But in India it continues well into adulthood. It translates into interference in career decisions, choice of friends, dietary preferences, etc. Despite this over-involvement, the so-called transgressions like drinking, smoking and premarital sex must be surgically hidden from their view.